Read About It

There is not a lot of online conversation in Australia about Defence families on Twitter. In my experience it’s more common on Facebook. There is however a lot of ‘twittering’ about Defence (military) families in the US and beyond.

I identified several hashtags as most related to my topic. These included #milspouse which is how the US identifies military partners. Here in Australia #YourADF seems to be quite common on defence related tweets but mostly relates to Defence itself. The Defence Community Organisation (DCO) uses #YourADF in their promotional work of services and resources for Defence families. I like this hashtag as it invokes a sense of pride in belonging to the Australian Defence Force (ADF). Less used would be #defencefamilies. I decided to use this in one of my tweets because I think it explains exactly what I am talking about.

The first news story I tweeted was about a brilliant initiative from RSL Queensland and their financial assistance for Defence partners. No responses as yet to the tweet but on the Defence Families Facebook page (which I manage) the post was very popular with over 12,033 people being reached.

The second news story I engaged with was one about the Defence Special Needs Group, which help Defence families who move with children with special needs.

I was surprised with the immediate response I received from a Dad who has a child with special needs. I think he picked up on the tweet from my use of #specialneeds in the body of the text. I ended up having a lovely conversation with him about our children.

I retweeted about an initiative in the US with a program they run that employs military partners. This is something that more Australian businesses really need to look at. Defence partners could be such an untapped resource for business with so many finding it difficult to find work due to the transient nature of our partner’s empployment. In the article there is a great YouTube clip of a military partner working remotely for Amazon.

I also retweeted an article about Prince Harry and his comments on Defence families being ‘role models’. When this story first came out it really resonated with Defence families and went viral on many social media platforms.

I am a big fan of Twitter. But I wonder who is actually on it and who reads the Tweets? I think it is great for media and politics but I am not sure if reaches the ordinary person on the street?

Take a Chance on Me

As a long time defence partner I know how hard it can be to find work when you arrive in a new location. With a posting cycle of anything from one to several years, any sort of career continuity can be challenging and non-existing. Long gone are the days when partners stayed at home with the children. With more females and now recognised same-sex couples in the military, there are also many male civilian partners looking for work. Many partners are professionals in their own careers and nearly all want to work to support themselves and their families.

On notification of our second posting, I took the initiative and put a business case to my employer to see if they would be willing to continue to employ me but allow me to work from home from interstate. This would allow me to keep my current role but support my husband’s role in the Air Force and continue to move with him. I was grateful when the CEO agreed to this, and I have continued to work for the same employer for eight years across several interstate postings. Other defence partners are not so lucky with 14 % of partners unemployed compared to 6% of the civilian workforce.

A recent article in the Huffington Post from Suzie Scanlon Rabinowitz, Managing Partner of a US legal firm, reports that they have taken the initiative to employ legally trained military partners. As a part of the ‘gig’ economy the law firm is helping to “create job opportunities for this talented and under-appreciated pool of attorneys” by providing temporary employment opportunities for them and negotiating with different states to amend laws surrounding legal licensing restrictions.

Similar issues occur here in Australia with defence partners who are doctors, nurses and teachers having to apply for varying state licensing when posting interstate. Although defence often covers the costs, the time it takes to complete the paperwork with each move can be frustrating. Wouldn’t it be great if governments could take the initiative and remove some of the barriers to employment for defence partners?

With a more flexible work environment on the increase, it certainly makes sense for defence partners to investigate alternative employment options for themselves here in Australia. It would also be pertinent to suggest the defence force itself look to making things a little easier for partners and families. We’re a spirited and creative lot and sometimes it pays to think outside the box a little and investigate what is out there and who is willing to take a chance.

If defence partners are happily employed in posting locations it can make a huge difference to their quality of life as a defence family.

Wish You Were Here

When I met my husband all those years ago, I really had no idea what I was getting myself into. I had simply met ‘the one’ and was living happily in my little idyllic world, planning a wedding and a future together.

All of a sudden I became a ‘defence wife’, or a ‘military partner’ and at the time I truly didn’t appreciated the complexity behind these labels. In the years that followed, I soon realised that being in a relationship with someone in the military does have a profound effect on your life and everything in it.

Our first posting was to a small town in country Victoria. I had never heard of it. I had to leave a job I adored and move to a town where I knew not one person to re-establish myself and find work. This was my first taste of what my life would be like. I’m a social person by nature but even I found this task daunting. I could only imagine the anxiety each and every posting order brings for someone less outgoing. Partner employment is one of the biggest challenges for defence families with 14% of civilian partners unemployed compared to the national unemployment rate of 6%.

Once we started a family, the situation became even more complex. My eldest daughter is now 12 years old and is attending her fourth school. She has lived in six different houses on six different interstate postings. She’s a quiet, reserved ‘tween’ and finds making new friends challenging. Moving children from school to school is not always ideal and many families often elect to become MWDU or Members with Dependents Unaccompanied which means the Defence member moves to one location while the family stays in another for various reasons. You can only imagine the strain on relationships this can cause.

Then there are the deployments. In the weeks leading up to the deployment I find my husband ‘checks out’ of our life as he prepares to go. There’s often limited contact and a constant worry from my end as I avoid watching the news for anything relating to the warzone he is deployed to.

Somehow though, we have managed to survive almost 20 years together. I’ve done things I never thought possible and made the most amazing friends in this crazy life we are leading.

There are thousands of military family blogs. There are not a lot of Australian ones. Through my writing I hope to share my unique insight into the good, the bad and even the ugly of being ‘married’ to the military and how we have managed to make it work.

A Sentimental Journey

I grew up in the same house, in the same street, in the same small country town as my father did. Everyone knew each other and life was uncomplicated. I still look back on this modest childhood with a deep affection. Then suddenly I fell in love with a charming Air Force Officer and my life changed forever.

Life can get a bit crazy for a Defence family. Moving every few years, living in different houses, and finding your way around different states. We are constantly leaving old friends behind to then turn up at an unfamiliar destination and trying to find the emotional strength to make new friends, yet again.

Sometimes I feel like I have spent the last 20 years waving goodbye and saying hello either to my husband or to friends. And don’t get me started on the packing boxes…We’ve moved interstate seven times in the last 16 years and our daughters have been to several different schools. Sometimes I can’t remember my postcode and it’s rare I commit our home phone number to memory.

It’s not all bad news though. Living this unique lifestyle has definitely enhanced our lives in a positive way. For me personally while my husband has been away with work, I have managed to cope with frequent long absences with young children to care for, no family support and still maintain a job, study and somehow maintain my sense of humour.

I’ve learnt how to just get on with things but to ask for help when I need it.  I’ve become fiercely independent. I’ve met the most amazing people both with the military and in civilian life. My daughters seem to have developed a certain amount of resilience that some of their non-Defence friends don’t have. Somehow my husband and I have managed to ‘keep the love alive’ through long separations or while peering ‘lovingly’ at each other surrounded by packing boxes. I use this term very loosely here. We’ve learnt along the way that a house is not always a home, home is where we are when we are all together. If that happens to be a caravan in the middle of nowhere while posting to a new location, then that’s home for us for now.

I decided to called this blog ‘A Sentimental Journey’ after the song made famous during World War II which was an anthem for veterans returning home from war. I’ve found writing helps me process my thoughts and I feel compelled to write about our own experiences and the different challenges we face. I hope to share our own sentimental journey through this blog.

Father and Daughter

Everyone has a favourite family photo. This is my avatar. A truly sentimental choice like the title of this blog. This is my daughter and her Dad on ANZAC Day. These two share a birthday and are incredibly close, even now as she’s entering her formative teen years. As my husband saluted the fallen, our little three year old saluted as well. It’s always been such a precious memory captured forever between father and daughter.

All material in this blog is my original work and licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.

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